I am writing to save my life it's the only thing that helps, like therapy in a way. I feel like a nurse again with a critical patient, but there is no doc on call, and the patient is me with severe chest pain. The computer desk is my stretcher, coffee is my nitro spray, cigarettes are my O2, and my pen is my IV. No morphine to numb the pain anymore though. My journal is my ECG and rhythm shows ventricular fibrillation. The laptop is my crash cart...clear...c'mon Ben...ECG still shows in v-fib...clear........................normal sinus rhythm...he's OK...you're...OK...it's OK. Your family is here Ben, its over now and you're going to be alright...I'm going to be alright...